Archive

sexual harassment

Hello readers ( if any of you are left)

I’ve returned to this blog after a hiatus due to overwhelming school work, holding down two jobs and warding off anxiety attacks. Hopefully this blog can still add value to your lives as much as it has mine.

I started this blog for a class assignment. That assignment is over and I’m now free to use this blog any way I’d prefer without the threat of a grade. ( You need more SEO! You need more links! Define catcalling better! Why are you even writing about this topic! etc etc…)

I now  want to take this chance to tell you all a secret confession. It’s something I’ve only recently fully realized, but has been a undercurent in my opinions and perspectives.

Deep breathe….

I am a Feminist. A huge one; a big raging Feminist.

If you’d like to get even more specific, I’m a pro-sex or sex positive feminist. 

Sex-positivity is the belief that sex and sexiness are… okay.  It’s the belief that people shouldn’t be judged by the sex they have.  It’s the belief that consent matters and social norms do not.  It’s the belief that porn and erotica are valid media of expression (not that the current porn industry is hunky-dory, cause it’s not) and that sex work ought to be just work (not that it currently is).  It’s the belief that neither “slut” nor “prude” should be an insult.  It’s the belief that every sexual and gender identity is valid.

As in  I enjoy sex, I enjoy having it frequently with people I choose. You’d be surprised by the people I’ve encountered who find this shocking. As a side-note, you might not be surprised that they have all been male.

This confession has not been widely declared in my public life. Yes, I have discussed feminist issues with friends and acquaintances. I read feminist blogs every day and analyze literally everything I see with a feminists lens. Seriously,  I can’t even look at at an advertisement for laundry detergent  without thinking of feminist implications.

(Also, why do so many beer ads feature mostly men. With maybe that one cool girl with shiny hair? I love beer too).

I’m trying to say that being a feminist is a significant part of who I am. I realized that I’m a feminist after several revelations…

  • after ending a two-year relationship with a man because our values and libidos were vastly different
  • after taking a women’s history course and thinking why did it take until college to learn about women’s contributions
  • after kissing a girl who told me she tries to not see gender,but the person
  • after all the dismissals, defensiveness and insults I received after trying to tell people about my feminist views
  • after being told that men can sleep around, but it makes me look bad
  • after being told that my uterus is the property of the public and not my own
  • after my male doctor told me to stop sleeping with more than one person before giving me an STD test
  • after someone I slept with told me women are always the passive sexual partner. 

After all these things and more I have realized that women are still discriminated against, that people are  still stuck in gender roles that harm men as much as women and that I experience these things on a daily occurrence.

I’m sure you do too.

So now I’m using this blog to talk about it. Because if I don’t nothing changes; it all gets stuck in my head and makes me crazy which is good for nobody; trust me.

LINKS:

A sex guide for today’s girls

Towards my personal Sex-Positive Feminist 101

My Sluthood, Myself 

I’ve experienced street harassment for much of my life. I often try to ignore it, suppress the resulting anger and continue with my day. I did this because I was unsure of how to respond effectively.  If I reacted it seemed to only excite the person. Instead I responded with silence and glares.

It was not until a recent incident, which seemed to encapsulate all other  experiences, did I decide to change and create this blog to help myself and other women find their voice to stop street harassment.

A Light Rail station. There are rarely any security officials on the platforms Source: Everystockphoto

 

 

Hey Sweetheart

I take the Phoenix Light rail to  ASU three days a week. Our light rail is on street level, so the platforms are  well-lit and public. Despite this I am on a slight level of alert when I take the light rail.

Several weeks ago, I was waiting on the light rail platform. It was 11:20 am on a Tuesday. After the typical rush hour period the platform was sparsely populated. I noticed two men rush across the street and jump onto the platform, but dismissed them.

Then, as I’m looking down at my book, I hear someone yell out, “Hey sweetheart!”

I look up, silently indignant that someone would say this and I see the two men who had just jumped onto the platform. They appear to be Hispanic and in their late thirties. They walk up to me and one sits down next to me and shakes my hand.

He then proceeds to try to sell me a bus pass, saying he and his friend need money to eat. I tersely explain this is not my concern. After repeated  refusals, he tries a different tacit and tells me I have a beautiful smile, even though I’m not smiling.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Yes” (I lie).

“Girl you need to drop that motherfucker and get with me, I’ll treat you right.”

I grimace and say, “He treats me exactly the way I want him to.”

He finally gets up to leave, but not before saying,  “You dropped something-your beautiful smile,” and laughing at my confusion.

Immediately after this another light rail pulls up. A man gets off and hollers, “Hey baby girl, hey there baby girl.”

All I do is look down and shake my head no.

Maybe if I covered up like this I would be left alone Source: Everystockphoto

A Place of Rage

I was filled with  intense anger and frustration.  I didn’t know how to respond to these men, who thought it perfectly  appropriate to invade my personal space simply because I’m a young woman alone in public.

Even during this exchange I knew my response was wrong. I should have told this man to leave or walked away from them. This is not to implicate blame on myself or any other women who has reacted similarly,  for his actions, but I was disappointed in myself for not asserting my right to be left alone.

Assert Yourself

Stop Street Harassment has a useful list of assertive responses to harassers. However, before being able to respond this way you have to access the anger these incident cause and utilize it.

Realize that whoever is bothering you does not have the right to do so. Just because a person is in a public area does not mean they need to experience these types of interactions. You are allowed to tell a harasser to leave you alone. Try and take the anger and anxiety the person is causing in you and unleash it back onto them. Don’t bundle those feelings inside and ignore the person. Remember you are powerful and many harassers are cowards who will leave you alone if you talk back.

How do you respond to street harassment?